As president I would...

[DeCav]

I'm handing out cabinet positions now.

I think you know I will have a rich and detailed platform. It might not work or make much sense but it will be fun to read.

I will create new cabinet positions:
Secretary of Comedy: Dave Chappel
Secretary of Psychology: Dr. Phil
Secretaries of Can’t We All Get Along: Al Sharpton and David Duke (The Secretaries of CWAGA report to the Secretary of Psychology once a month for an update on the state of Racism in America.)
Secretary of Sports: Jack
Secretary of Harmless Christian Gambling Games:Ken (Imagine you and Jack on the Pig Skin Pick 'Em Senate committee. Imagine the prizes we can give out to homeless people who know their football. Seriously, as your president I'll write that story if it doesn't happen. I don't always tell the truth.
Secretary of Religion:Ken
Secretary of Atheism:Alan
Secretary of Cars:1CatFan
Secretary of Racing:Chris Blanton
Secretary of Science:DeCav
Secretary of Fairy Tales:Donald Trump, lifetime appointment.
Secretary of Labor: Mike Rowe

What's my platform? What do I believe in? I ideas?
Yes you can still love Trump. I'll do everything he promised to do and didn't. Want Obamacare repealed? Think I can't get it repealed with one 10,000 word proclamation?

Let's layout a quid pro quo also. I want to make sure everyone that gets in early and invests in this idea gets a return on their investment. If you support me what do you want? I will take Jerome to the White House with a delegate from SCPREPTALK and we'll attend a Super Bowl and then come up with a new strategy for SC football.

I will build a new Giant and modern wing onto the White House with an underground shelter that is open to the public. I will issue an executive order that one family a year will spend a year in the shelter on a new reality TV show. The show will cost nothing to make because i will use college interns to run it as a project in film school. Profits will go to build small houses for the homeless.

That is the underground part. Above Ground the new wing will be state of the art. Disney would cream their shorts to visit it. It will be the NEW Hall Of Presidential Promises, Recommendations, and Proclamations
I will amend the constitution to state that every year a president gets 12 of each.

Promises: 12 promises that HAVE to be granted by law or the president is impeached on each count. After the president has used up his promises, he can officially say, "Well I can't make any promises." Actually he can say at any time, "Well I can't make any promises cause I have to say these babies."

Recommendations: The President's ideas to make the world a better place. He gets 12 of them a year. One a month is a good pace but all 12 must be recorded and archived. Each year the president get's one get out of jail free card. He is allowed to recommend that at least one american Fck Off. Again these are recorded and archived in the Hall and the most popular part of the White House tour because one, it's updated every year with the most elaborate prototype technical dreams of the future with a video game center and virtual reality. The tour is almost free. 1000 dollars but you get to have dinner with the prez.

And you get to read the background stories to all the broken promises and recommendations that prompted the prez to behave the way he did.

Proclamations: Basically deep thoughts by Jack Handy. Whenever the president is spaced out or figures out a piece of the puzzle of life he can proclaim it. Or if he STUBBS his toe he can issue an official proclamation: "Fck That Hurts!" Presidents will troll social media for good ones to steal or they'll ask to quote one in exchange for a favor. Selfie, autographed guitar, mint condition 68 Mach one painted in your school colors.

As your president, all current Scpreptalk members would be welcome at the White House at all times for dinner as scheduling allows. I promise to post once a week on this site as president and pull for the other teams and regulary announce your guys teams to the world in my daily press briefings from Jack.

As president, I will attend a different game every Friday night in South Carolina and host a rally with free BBQ and Gaffney Peach Moonshine.

Your first lady would wear a 38GG bra size if that matters but she would rarely wear a bra because she's going to lay around in the White House bedroom drinking coffee, watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and posting Memes on Facebook. Her cause will of course be animals and internet memes.

There will be a duplicate White House built back to back with the current White House. It will be where the president has to sleep with the first lady is pissed. It will double as the White house show to tourists. Along with fake presidents and Tweetsy Railroad type staged secreat agent reenactments. It will also be where Bond films are occasionally filmed.


It will triple as a double. A back up plan in case there is a coup and the White House is stormed. Opposition forces will be forced to choose which House to storm. It will swivel like Neil Peart's drumset every 5 days. I'll hire David Copperfield to design the massive base. There will be legions dedicated to keeping up with which house is which. Like a patriotic shell game for the towelheads.

It will quadruple as the permanent set of the political arm of Saturday Night Live. All staff and cast of SNL are welcome to stay there whenever they want. Al Queta will have to choose between me and Alec Baldwin who will have a permanent roll as 45 and me and Alec will do a cold open every Saturday with me debating his impersonation of Trump.

I know how to make abotion go away.

I know how to end unecessary cop violence.

Which means there will be no use for BLM or Antifa.

I have a solution for the opioid crisis.

I have a solution for immigration and the issue with the wall which will be unfinished. We can use what we have and go Pickle Rick with other technology. I think like Ian Flemming who thinks like James Bond. What would James Bond do to stop immigrants. Then that's what I'm going to do. I'll have movie writers as my advisors with senators advising them.

Thoughts? What is wrong with the country and how would you change it?

I'll post a pic of every yes until I come up with a worse idea.

[racincowboy02]

Count me in as long as i am over all forms of racing and what i say goes to Nascrap and the rest of the racing world. I look forward to being on the cabinet of the greatest president ever

[DeCav]

Ok. But let’s flesh out your cabinet position. All forms of racing includes runnin, swimming, cycling too.

And horse racing. We need to bring back horse racing in this country. You only hear about it every 5 years when some horse with some abominable name has a chance to win the triple crown and america tunes in for 120 seconds only to see it come up short and get a ticket to the glue factory.

Let’s get a youth program going. We tax some of the gambling revenue just a bit more and use the extra money to take inner city kids to watch horse races and visit the farms and owners.

A program to get youth invested in animal husbandry. Veterinarian skills, livestock care.

We’ll feed offf the 4H clubs of america and have agricultural and cattle ranch ted talks. We need to make farming shiek.

We focus this horse initiative on rural America where all the real estate is at and where a minority kid could possibly own a horse. Not a racing horse. You feel me?

Now! You’ll have to lose the pengy habit of disparaging everything that disappoints or annoys you.

Chris since you best CatFan here, do we lump automotive dept in with racing? I see as a causality. Catfan runs the automotive section with respect to street legal cars.

Hmmm. This is confusing. Pftt.

[DeCav]

You know if we work on this for two years we’ll be able
To run for senate and house seats. And then two years later we catapult ourselves into the prez race.

If we keep this thread going but don’t make a lot of noise about it, the entire board can write a Presidential Charter.

And basically any member of the board can post on this thread with notes.

I have twice as many ideas as whats here but I need to flesh them out.

My campaign staff will actually be my incoming team. No more hiring and firing all the time. Big wastes of time and money. How many AGs and SOSs has our president gone through? Thought he was gonna get only the best people. Fires another SOD after the election.

My staff will be a family. No one gets fired unless everyone else agrees that guy is an asshat.

Oh, you guys don’t like BLM or Antifa?

And we don’t like unnecessary violence during traffic stops.



That should curb all three.

[racincowboy02]

I will take on that challenge with the horse racing and bringing the farming back and making it the shiek thing to do. I like the way you are goin with your ideas and to be honest this won't be that hard cause the 4H clubs and the FAA would be all in on this and would eat this up plus its good publicity for both of those organizations and it would be great pub for the president too

Split the position or better yet make him the the Secretary of Transportation and let him be in charge of making the cars of tomorrow the best they have ever been and let him tell the automakers what they can and can't do

Now! You’ll have to lose the pengy habit of disparaging everything that disappoints or annoys you. Really tell me you just didn't go there lol I don't do that at all. I just call a spade a spade and if people don't like it then oh well it is what it is you know

[DeCav]

Ok brilliant idea about department of transportation. They overseea buses, planes, taxis, uber services. All public transportation.

But the deputy assistant director is over the manufacturing side of things and gets to test drive every new car america designs. Especially the prototypes at car expos.

He has a close relationship with the department of racing.

Deputy assistant in charge of public transportation is sparty since all his cars catch fire and because he’s obsessed with golden busses. He’ll also be secretary of hygiene because he’s obsessed with golden showers.

Department of transportation and the department of racing with work hand in hand and share many beers and nachos especially with the department of immigration who will have authentic mexican cuisine every day for lunch. Along with hand sanitizing stations the WH will have beano dispenseries.

[DeCav]

Chris your inaugralal title will be unoffically "The Bandit" ok? You'll have an anniversary Smokey and The Bandit staff car.

Now what in the ever loving hell is wrong with nascar???? How can they possible be pissing you off? Do you know you get to watch races all the time and see great competition?

[1 CAT FAN]

I never go over the speed limit.

[DeCav]

If you're gonna be on my team, you'll have to develop a need for speed. I AM running as a Republican for Senate unless things change. I'm looking to knock off Tim Scott the democrat. And I'll promise to give the Republican base everything it thinks it wants and yes I have a plan for it all. So far, every person I've presented my platform to has enthusiastically agreed to vote for me. LIberals and Conservatives. How would you like it for a change if liberal could be convinced that Conservatives have ideas that would make their lives better. So far our reps are failing at that. You get most of the country on the conservative side of things and we rule for decades. Also something to consider. Instead of a lame duck prez and an elect. The winner immediately occupies an office in the White House for the remainder of the outgoing prez's term and they have to get along.

You guys know i'm honest. You know I stick to my guns and I don't waffle. I have an extraordinary plan to ruin sex offenders in this country for good. I'll put together a task force that puts the fear of God into child molesters and rapists. No more waiting for a child or adult to come forward. We take the fight to them. The CIA doesn't sit around waiting for sht to go sideways before they react. They are out there finding crimes before they happen. You do that, then you don't have girls and boys growing up anymore with mental illness and PTSD. You don't have that then you don't have depression and suicide, young people with ill-developed sexual appetites that result in unwanted pregnancies. Take out the child predators and teens are growing up turning to drugs to medicate their pain. Less drug and alcohol use means more kids graduating. More youth joining the workforce in innovative fields. I promise. Stamp out sexual crimes in this country and you'll see the floor rise almost immediately.

That will cut down on abortion. In addition, we hammer these kids in school with safe sex practices assuming they can't practice abstinence. We identify troubled kids bring in the parents and confront them also. Does their kid get in trouble? Give the parents a choice to post bail or agree to enter a 6-week program to straighten their asses out.

I'll get Congress to pass a federal law requiring one year of JROTC as a credit needed to graduate and give incentives to keep them in all four years. Whatever went over my head as a father got picked up by the JROTC instructors with my boy. He's way more disciplined and organized than I or anyone in my family ever was.

Abortion? Every woman gets 1 abortion and has to pay for it or start a gofundme. Let the liberals raise money for these young mothers to be. Also, no abortion will be granted unless the father's identity is revealed. And a DNA test is administered. He'll be sentenced to a 6-week program that teaches him how not to spread his seed around like a broadcaster. A second offense and he's clipped.
After that, you show up at an abortion clinic again and elect to undergo a second one? Again you come up with the money but this time both the mother and the father are sentenced to a mandatory 8-week social services class where the mother and father are miserable doing workbooks and group therapy until they can't stand it anymore.

This idea of just making it illegal is stupid. How has that worked out for weed? Rape? Child molesters? Mass shooters?

Read Freakonomics folks. A reduction in unwanted births lowers the burden on the welfare system, the crime rate, the feedback loop of unwanted children growing up to create more unwanted children because it's illegal not to. The red states will outlaw abortion if you have your way which will drive the promiscuous girls to the blue states where they can receive abortions and keep a lid on all the problems an unwanted child brings to the world. Meanwhile the girls staying in the red states are going to continue popping out babies and putting a strain on the welfare system of the states that outlawed abortion.

Almost no thought is given to preventing pregnancies. The whole answer is to go to the polls once every 4 years, pull a lever and wash your hands of the problem and tell yourself you did your part to prevent fetuses being murdered which is a fantasy. Not to mention the billions spend in politics just to get a judge on the court that you HOPE will overturn Roe V Wade. Wouldn't you like to wipe the whole abortion issue off the table?

Adoption. Adoption is a black box in this country. Who of us know fk all about it unless you have adopted or know someone who has. We launch a new program to track and televise stories of adoption to encourage a mother who doesn't want her baby that adoption is a wonderful thing. At the moment it's just an abstract idea that it's wonderful and mothers have no idea what will happen when they're baby is given up. Show them. Don't have to reveal identities. This can be done.

And if you don't think I have a rock solid plan to go after sexual predators like we went after Bin Laden? Trust me. I know what to do and it'd be popular as Hell. People fk with kids now because they think they can roll the dice. Put the fear of God into them. Make it known that the minute they lay an unwanted hand on a child they're at serious risk for going away for life.

I met an abused young woman recently. Even had a phone call with her because she was curious how abuse could be nipped. Not only did she think it would work when I told her she was grinning and saying "WOW!".

None of America's politicians are problem solvers. None of them are thinkers. They're just idealists.

And by the way. As Senator, you know I'll write my own speeches and I WON'T need teleprompters. If comedians can deliver 90 mins of comedy, a person should be able to give a speech without having to stare at a screen.

Finally,
Does nobody want to see me destroy a Democrat in a debate? Really?

I might be nuts but it's gonna be a LONG time before someone thinks I need a senility test. And I won't spend $5,000,000 of the taxpayer's money to stand in the rain on the 4th of July and tell the American people that the Continental Army rammed the ramparts and captured the British airports.

By the way, I looked up what ramming a rampart means. This is true! You float actual goats and rams in hot air balloons towards a fort and release the livestock on the palmetto tree barricades and let them munch on the trees until there's a hole big enough to get a cannonball through. Well done Mr. President. I learn something new every day.

Also as previously mentioned I'll fix whatever the Hell is pissing off so many people about NASCAR. As far as I know there's nothing preventing anyone from spending a weekend watching an assload of cars drive 500 miles in a cirlce for several hours. Apparently the whole experience is ruined by the aesthetics of the pre-race ritual? Fine, I'll fix that too and start programs early to get more kids into go kart racing, dirt track racing, and finally NASCAR.

As previously mentioned RCCowboy is psyched at the idea of bringing horses back in a big way in this country. And I'll mandate that when a big plane flys over the middle of the country it has to land long enough to eat at a waffle house and say, "HEY!".

[DeCav]

1CatFan will be in charge of making sure our automobile industry makes the sexiest cars on the planet. No more cookie cutter sht. We're going to stand out. We'll be the new manufacturing center for exotic cars.

And our party will no longer be jokingly referred to as the regressive party. The whole platform will be about the future. My slogan?

"Where ya headed? The future? Hop in."

At rallies we'll have fanuc arms, 3D printers making souveniers, robots serving drinks, and an expo in each city where big tech comes in to show off the coolest stuff. Maybe we can even have a knife show at rallies.

Bad cops, violent protesters, and idiotic I.G. Joe militias who can't behave will enlisted in the military and forced to fight together. One ding dong who heard this idea actually claimed the liberals would immediately run to the enemy and join them. You can't fix stupid.